Second-hand mourning pt.2

It has officially been a week and a day since the death of my brothers best friend. The funeral has come and gone, and the distant acquaintances have been seen. When I first received the news I didn’t really cry, but something about physically being in a space where you are surrounded by the family and loved ones, makes me loose it all for some reason. The worst part being hearing them closing the person into the wall, I hate that sound and it reminds me of my best friends mom funeral. You can’t directly see it but hearing it seems worse.

My brother has been distant lately, but I think the most important thing I keep reminding myself of is that I can’t blame, judge or hold him to how he is acting now. Death changes us, and shape shifts us into unknown creatures.

Grief is confusing and I still don’t know what I am doing.

I am not particularly the most human, human out there, anyway. So in cases like this, I’m guessing I may not be the best. But, I’m trying and that’s all we should really ask of ourselves. Try to be better humans.

I just want by brothers heart to be hole again. A part of it will always belong to Charlie, I just hope he learns that he can still carry a full heart and the love for him, all at once.

 

xoxo,

A fellow deer

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