I find myself on a Friday night checking out pins on how to be a better person.
I don’t know how i got here, but i guess that doesn’t really matter, i’m here now.
asking the internet for advice to be a better me.
maybe it’s because i’ve been off this week, this month, this life.
i feel like i’ve been watching me live this life lately, like i’m floating outside my body and as terrifying as it sounds it’s worse not knowing why.
so i thought, maybe it’s because i’m not a good person, and if i become a better person then i’ll somehow magically be okay.
as soon as i clicked enter on that search i closed it.
i saw some cliché ass quotes and knew it was useless.
so how do we become a better us then? the us that we are proud to be and don’t have to watch from the outside?
truth is i have no fucking clue and am seeking answers not in the form of a google search.
there is this seen in the movie ‘Ladybird’ where she says “what if this is the best version of me?” or something along those lines. and her mother just gives her this look, no words, just a look that answers everything, that this couldn’t possibly be the best her.
i ask myself a lot lately “what if this is the best version of me?” and i’m waiting for a look or some sign to prove that i’m better than this, but i feel find myself still waiting.
i don’t know. i think I’ve been spending too much time with myself, been feeling lonely lately and a storm of thoughts comes with it.
so i’m sorry my tangent didn’t answer the question i originally proposed, life kinda sucks like that sometimes, you look for one thing and find absolutely nothing of something completely different.
still waiting, but I’ve got time, it seems like it’s all i have these days.